She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
