you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
