Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
