We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
