...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
