if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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