Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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