I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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