well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
