yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
