Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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