Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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