dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
