So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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