Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
