We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
