oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
