so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
