Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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