so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
