I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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