I just cut my nipple shaving
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
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