Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
