I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
