look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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