The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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