I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
