My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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