apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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