he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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