fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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