Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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