i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
