They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
