ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I looked at my own cervix.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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