Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
