walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
