Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
