We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
