No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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