Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
