and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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