Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
