I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
