he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
