I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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