Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
