So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
