I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
