this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
