in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
