I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
