I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
