Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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