some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
