I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
