We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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