So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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