worst night to have a conscience
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
