i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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