mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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