Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
