Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
