Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize