He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
