Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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