Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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