..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
