we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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