I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
