I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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