An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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