His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
