come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
