o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
