his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How's work?
Spinning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
