doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
