if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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