Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize