considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
