Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
