I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
