Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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