Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
