I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
