it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the condom got lost in my hair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
