dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
