Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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