i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
