you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
