I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
