So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
