do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
