i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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