end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
